Point, Set, Game

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company. 

One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. 

The Dachshund thinks, “I’m in deep trouble now!” Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.”

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me.” 

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. 

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine. 

Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet… and just when they get close enough to hear, the Dachshund says, ”Where’s that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.” 

Moral: It doesn’t matter what cards you hold but how you play them!

(I am sure you know what happened to the Monkey)

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Birth of Horror

This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it’s true.

John Bradford, a young Dublin University student, was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a big storm.  The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop.

John , desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door…only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn’t on. The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared out of nowhere through the window, and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror, watched as the hand came through the window, but never touched or harmed him. 

Shortly thereafter, John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road, so, gathering strength; he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had. 

A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying… and wasn’t drunk. The barman put a free double whiskey in John’s hand and he downed it in a single gulp! 

Suddenly, the door opened, and two men walked in from the dark and stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breath…

Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other… Look Paddy….there’s that f****ng idiot that got a free ride in the car while we wuz pushin’ it!

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