Genie in a Bottle…

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband shouted, “I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.”

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, “Come on in” When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, “Are you the people that broke my window?”

“Uh…yeah, sir. We’re sorry about that,” the husband replied.

“Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I’m a Genie, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll Give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one for myself.”

“Wow, that’s great!” the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, “I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.”

“No problem,” said the genie. “You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do. And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!”

“And now you, young lady, what do you want?” the genie asked. “I’d like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,” she said.
“Consider it done,” the genie said. “And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!”

“And now,” the couple asked in unison, “what’s your wish, Genie?”

“Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle and haven’t been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife”

The husband looked at his wife and said, “Honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?”

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, “You know, you’re right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about you, honey?”

“You know I love you sweetheart,” said the husband.

“I’d do the same for you!” So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The Genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, “How old are you and your husband?”

“Why, we’re both 35,” she responded breathlessly.

Genie smile –

“Really? Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in Genies?”

Puppies for sale

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about Nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he Felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the Eyes of a little boy. Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.” “Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. “I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”“Sure,” said the farmer.

And with that he let out a whistle, “Here, Dolly!” he called.

Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.

As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.

Slowly another little ball appeared; this One noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up….

“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said, “Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”

The world is full of people who need someone who understands.

The Old Phone

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person. Her name was “Information Please” and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anyone’s number and the correct time.

My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing climbing up; I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. “Information, please” I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.

“Information.”

“I hurt my finger…” I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.