A veering post…

Disclaimer: You will not read anything meaningful in this post. There is no relevance whatsoever of any sentence with its previous counterpart and any semblance of that happening is purely a coincidence. In case you find this post interesting please reread there must be something wrong. If you are my 6th grade English teacher, "Yes, I know I am supposed to use shorter sentences. But I won’t because I don’t want to"

Random Quote: Incompetence is widespread; I just look at the guys around… I am sure my friends find that in abundance 🙂

Everybody loves to give advice… "Do this…", "Don’t do that…" – The reason is simple and the benefit twofold:

  1. You get to know the result of the ‘proposed solution’ using somebody else as a "guinea pig", of their own free will…
  2. You get a mental boost out of undermining his/her abilities to solve the problem in both of your minds, though more importantly his/hers…

enough of this psycho-babble bullshit…

Explanation of random behavior: Sometime back a friend who noticed my unusual interest in blogging… [he could not miss it since every other day I’d call him up in the middle of the night and talk enthusiastically about how my visitors-count crossed an even, odd, prime, arithmetic, geometric, lucky, birthdates, anniversaries number (the list is endless but you get the picture…) or how I had managed to create a design that beautifies the world…if not that atleast my blog…]

One day while having a midnight soiree he probably got tired and started talking about what I could do to ramp up my viewership readership. One of his most meaningful suggestions was for me to give out money to people who come and visit my blog, which ofcourse I declined to even consider… I told him I did not want to get involved in vices involving secret payouts… Subsequently he said two things:

  1. There should always be something for the people in your posts… (When he said this I had this glassy, blank stare, which probably he could not decipher just like me being unable to decipher his point) he went on to the second point…
  2. Be focused… this was primarily aimed at my writing style which he said is very ‘random’, he said I keep on veering from the topic all the time… I said in my defense that if people could not make the connection I did then too bad… probably they are dumb… He said, probably they were… (personally, I think you are very very intelligent and if you, the reader, were to get your IQ test, even Einstein would have been impressed…)

Advices like prophesies follow a common trend, they are very broad, some almost all-encompassing, some examples are mentioned below:

1. Be focused…
2. Be sincere… (best given with a serious,
anal retentive look)
3. Improve your leadership skills – WTF?
4. Team-building should be your focus area

1. Something good will happen today
2. Romance is on the cards
3. Be careful with money
4. You will have a good old age – this is mentioned in ‘today’s fortune’

So well… I have decided that I am going to be a non-conformist (thought: If I confirm to non-conformism am I a conformist then?) I will write a post that is completely unrelated and it is doubtful that it will be of any help to you…

My friend had suggested that I should concentrate on things that I am good at and yesterday night in that blissful state that is somewhere in between the state of awareness and sleep I realized what I am good at… I am good at sleeping… So that’s what I am going to write on … Sleep: How to get it and sustain…

Here we go…

Sleep: How to get it and sustain

  1. Decide to sleep… (Very important, discussed in detail later)
  2. Accumulate resources in order of usage
  3. If you suffer from insomnia some cultures suggest keeping a bowl filled with salt by your bedside. No, I am not superstitious but no point getting on the wrong side of holy spirits or the omnipotent forces of the nature right?
  4. Don’t watch TV or even so much as look at a computer screen atleast 30 minutes before you lie down. The light from both a television as well as a computer monitor mimic the same intensity of light as sunlight. This fools your body and brain into thinking it’s nowhere near time for sleep. Your brain has another smaller brain that thinks for the brain, if you didn’t know, now you know why you failed in Biology – 101…
  5. Drink milk. Milk has an amino acid in it called Tryptophan that increases the levels of serotonin and/or melatonin in the brain which slow down brain activity. It’s science folks.
  6. Go to bed when you are tired. Different strokes for different folks here. Just because your wife goes to bed at 9PM doesn’t mean you are ready. You might only require seven and half hours of sleep while she might require ten. If you aren’t tired, do something low-key until you are, like read a book, play solitaire (for royalty: we are not talking about diamonds, it’s a game; for masses: NOT on your computer), or play with some legos (legos – this is actually a game, it’s not latin for legs).
  7. Reserve the bed for bed things (i.e. sleep and sex – this is specially for people who are not potty-trained).
  8. Meditate. No, don’t cross your legs and hum tantric mantras, but focus on relaxing…if that makes sense. Take deep, long breaths (if you smoke you will not be able to do this, there is no reprieve for you, don’t worry you will get a very long long long sleep shortly). Tense each muscle one at a time from head to toe. Focusing on doing this takes your mind off of other things and you’ll be in lala land in no time.
  9. Exercise during the day. I emphasize during the day. Exercising at night just gets everything going instead of shutting down for sleep. But exercising during the day tires the muscles out and makes for a solid nights sleep. Of course there are some kind of exercises that might help you to sleep, especially men – it’s different for women (this is what I have been told)

Yeah Yeah Yeah… I know… This was not supposed to be a meaningful post but I guess that friend of mine has screwed up with my thought process; this was an honest mistake… I swear…

But you know the above 6 points may be important in getting good sleep but the best one is yet to come… Well I don’t know if it’s only me but more often than not things always happen the other way than I would want them to… I am sure you have guessed what the 7th and the most effective point in getting sleep is going to be…

You have had enough life behind you now, I mean you have seen life as it goes by and would, by now, have formed a general feeling how things go when you want them; Unlike Kaun Banega Crorepati there are only two options here… (a) It goes exactly as you want it to go and second one is (b) It goes in the exact opposite direction as you want it to go

8230; So the solution to sleep is as simple as coming to a point and say… “I want to sleep…” or in my case… “I don’t want to sleep…”

A word of caution: This is an extremely potent tool in sleeping or staying awake… Please use it at your own risk…

I have now meaningfully wasted 10 minutes of your time (those not accustomed to speed-reading for you guys this time might transcend to half an hour or even an hour in some cases) I am basking in the glee of this recent achievement… off you go…


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