Payback time…

In this ‘festive’ (‘festive’ for 5% and ‘bloody’ for the rest 95%) season it is apt that we recognize the talent of those 5% people who are at the top. To understand more about these 5% ‘performers’ you will need to look at the make-up (notice: (for girls) please don’t worry about your mascara, it’s not running… now pay attention) of the society… Who forms the top 5% of the crowd? No prizes for guessing… its the politicians, mafia bosses, actors, CEOs and some highly placed corrupt officials…

Do you see a similarity between that spineless ass that sits next to you seemingly doing nothing productive the entire day and walks away with the biggest bonus? If not you have to… these people are very adept at using all their energies towards maneuvering for political advantage… this is called being ‘Machiavellian’ (Definition: Machiavellianism is the term that some social and personality psychologists use to describe a person’s tendency to deceive and manipulate others for personal gain. The concept is named after Renaissance diplomat and writer Niccolò Machiavelli, who wrote The Prince) [Awe at my knowledge; duration: 30 seconds]

Now you are thinking that this post is turning into a guidebook of how to ‘butter your boss’, ‘kiss ass’, ‘suck up to…’ but I know you can’t do that hell… I would not be able to do that… so contrary to being ‘Machiavellian’ i am going to talk about something else… This idea flashed my mind yesterday lonesome midnight soiree (visual stimulation provided by ‘The Devil wears Prada’)… My father’s friend my friend’s father, who happens to be fantastic at humor, once said, “…those who make fun of others or make others laugh look down or consider their audience dumber…”

This particular thought which is also replicated by a leading philosopher shows a way to better take the revenge on the ‘dirty dozen’ (I mean the top 5% ‘performers’), for this you will have to learn how to make fun of other people, especially your co-workers… (A few guidelines on how to do this has been mentioned in previous post – Part 1 and Part 2, you can also refer ‘The Joy of Work – Scott Adams’ this book is the bible for the kind of thing I am suggesting…

After you learn to use the ‘humor weapons’ you can spendjoker your day mocking those 5% and  hence you would become ‘Mockiavellian’ [laugh heartily; Duration: 1minute 30seconds] Given a choice, you will always be happier as a Mockiavellian than a Machiavellian. And since you seem to be funnier (hence smarter), those Machiavellian employees will eventually work for you. Then you can mock them even more…The train of events that will happen are so…

  • Initially a few people around your desk start enjoying it…
  • Over a period of time you become ‘indispensable’ – this comes to a stage where if you are sick and at home people call in to alleviate their ‘food coma’ [Smile; Duration: 5 minutes – haven’t you heard… it’s good for you!]
  • Now your boss is your ardent fan
  • You are promoted over the 5%
  • Now those 5% work for you; ofcourse you still mock them…

This post is 100% original.

[Originality = Theft + Lack of Talent + Time]

Benefits of being Mockiavellian:

  • You actually get the office bimbo (usually within a month – if you think this is mail-order go read some other blog…)
  • You will no longer feel being trapped by obnoxious co-workers; you will get, actually get an office with real doors
  • Your pride is reinstated at having a lady-love and a prime patch of real-estate (corner-office)
  • Last but not the least you love coming to office everyday
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