Ornithological Outage…

It’s an achievement. Finding the right person that is… in today’s world which is fraught with uncertainty of rupee and the inflation of oil it is hard to find a job that does not require hard-work… even harder to find someone who is a cross between an actress, a close friend, a crush, has the eccentricities of your mom/sister, and a style quotient that you think you have…

So what kind of girl do you want? Nowadays nobody says tall, fair and b’ful… they say ‘cultured & well educated’ part of the whole politically correct wave that’s flooding everything … ask any well-settled guy (Well Settled Guy: one who can afford his own expenses with enough left for 30 cafe latte at Cafe Coffee Day). Pop comes the answer, “Someone who can understand me, should be accommodating, well-educated, caring and loving” Ask any guy… ANY…

Everyone wants the same combo… if I did not know better I’d think that we have been programmed to think what is perfect and what is not… But then society (family & friends) does guide you towards what is the general trend… It’s not something that you can put your finger on but something far more subtle…

There are instances like these…

Guy1 – This arranged marriage thing is a mess…
Guy2 – Why? What happened? Another disaster…?
Guy1 – Sort of… Mom thought she seemed to be the ‘conspiring’ kind and Dad said she was too short…
Guy2 – Oh!

OR in certain peculiar cases…

Gal1 – That’s the guy you are marrying?
Gal2 – Why? What’s wrong?
Gal1 – You know how you used to gush about Richard Gere…
Gal2 – Yeah but he’s gay! and there was lesser probability of this one straying…
Gal1 – Good choice!

OR

Parents – Marry this girl!
Son – But… She… Ummm… I haven’t even seen her yet!
[ONE TIGHT SLAP]
Son – OK! I will marry her…

But then sometimes things just happen… Lot of times sparks fly, Sun peeks from behind a rainbow, it drizzles… at other times there is no electrical accident, no global warming problems, and udometer jumps several millimeters in a short time span…

Engaging Noose

Even though I experienced the later on my engagement… the hopeless romantic was awakened and enjoyed every bit of it… All of the guys talked about how I have been “tamed” and all the gals gushed about me getting “engaged”… When I retorted with “Maybe I don’t see the guys’ point of view yet because the noose is not tight enough…” a learned-looking guy said with a knowing look… “time will only tell…” (Sound ominous, doesn’t it?)

I know now what it feels like to be Sachin Tendulkar batting under pressure… It is all so imposing… the floodlights, the crowd, the next ball of Brett Lee Ajantha Mendes… the pressure of proving yourself over and over again… Standing there on the stage it was an almost similar experience… Floodlights… almost blinding i.e. blinding everyone else but the faces that keep on appearing at random intervals to mumble their wishes… (Even here at certain points I almost had to slide my hand down their throats to a feeble ‘… congratulations…” and some of them even wished “…best of luck…” at which point the wife-to-be started shooting eye-daggers at them…)

(To be continued… Standby for Ornithological Outage II)

(P.S. – I promise the title will be explained, in detail)

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